North Korea, Best Korea!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
