I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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