Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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