What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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