Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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