there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
