U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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