....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
