Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
