Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
