Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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