We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I want is dick and wine.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
