you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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