There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
