...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize