If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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