They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I pour the whiskey from now on
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
