im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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