We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
