Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
only you would photoshop your dick
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
