hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
