Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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