Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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