Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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