Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
