did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
