ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
