I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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