You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
