Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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