but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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