when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
And then he peed in my hair
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