so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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