i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
