The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Be still, my beating vagina.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
