I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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