It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
we're so committed to being not committed
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
