We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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