Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
