Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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