Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
