I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
