I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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