For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
