if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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