You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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