I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
