I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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