So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
bring money and cleavage
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
