But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
