all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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