He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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