My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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