There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
