Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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