hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think i have herpe
just one?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
