Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
