I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
