You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
